How to run with the wolves without getting lost in the woods

By Lauren Aldridge

Hello again! Welcome back- it’s been a minute, huh? We’ve got a long one today, and I am so excited to share it with you. This essay has been just about a year in the making.

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Time and the creative process is a funny thing. Certain ideas may strike in a moment of inspiration, but they are not ready to be born yet. They require you to grow with the idea- revisiting with new eyes and perspective each time, sculpting the proverbial clay as it takes shape. 

I started this piece last September. I have had to put it down and revisit many times, feeling frustrated I couldn’t quite grasp the spirit of what I was trying to convey. What was it I wanted to express, and why? The clay was messy and wet in my hands each time I edited the draft, an unsightly lump- my inner perfectionist was banging her head against the wall.

If this was a piece of pottery I probably would have thrown it into the dumpster months ago, never to be seen again. Don’t look at my mess! But something has kept calling me back, inviting me to chip away at this idea.

I think it has felt challenging for me to wrap my head around this aspect of femininity because, well, being a woman is a huge concept. Being a woman is an identity I hold dearly and fiercely- feelings that are hard fought and ever evolving. I don’t believe I can ever “arrive” at being a woman, similar in the way I can never “arrive” at being an artist or a friend. I want to do this essay the honor of being thoughtful, while knowing my feminine identity will continue to take shape as I move deeper into my thirties and beyond.

When I speak about the feminine, I want to be clear that I am not referring to heteronormative gender. I am (attempting to) speak deeper than the binary construct. We all have certain qualities that can appear more “masculine” or “feminine”. As this is the current language we have, I use our existing framework to try and paint a frame of reference for understanding.

Human beings are complex. Our truest selves exist in an often-contrasting gray area that can be elusive and difficult to articulate. I see this duality appear in all my truest selves in varying degrees, no matter the label.

I speak to my own lived perspective, and nothing more.

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Archetypes. Before we get into our wild woman/ divine feminine conversation, let me nerd out for a sec and give y’all some brief context, a la history lesson with Lolo.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung (shoutout) created the framework of archetypes to summarize certain symbols that tend to appear across history through art and storytelling. Archetypes help us orient ourselves as we interact with our environment. Our brain is constantly looking for pattern recognition to try and make sense of the world around us. Archetypes lend us models for understanding human experience. Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, Mulan – all familiar badasses who have gone on the quintessential hero’s journey we know and love.

Archetypes are familiar to us. They don’t require us to ponder why we relate to a particular character or story- we just do.

Let me be clear- archetypes are not stereotypes. Archetypes are broader and more recognizable across stories and cultures; a stereotype is a negative reduction of character.

Archetypes shape our identity and sense of self as we move through the world. They appear in movies, myth, religion, and dreams. Sometimes we are one, but often we are many all at once.

Am I sometimes a healer/ therapist, and other times an artist? Or is “artist” the foundation for how I should approach the world? Can I be a mother figure to someone I love, as well as a friend? These are the gray areas we all exist within- many simultaneous truths at once. This is the beauty (and oftentimes the headache) of being a person. It’s a lot to navigate!

If y’all saw Barbie (not to be confused with Oppenheimer of course), there is an incredible speech by America Ferrera toward the end of the movie. I quote it below:

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.” – America Ferrera, Barbie

Sounds exhausting, huh? I know every woman reading this right now is responding with a resounding, “IT IS”. I see you, girlies. Because it is!

I have too much respect for womanhood to try and tackle anything but this small sector (for now) as it relates to the wild woman. I am certainly no Susan B. Anthony for my gender over here. But I do feel that in our current political climate of divisiveness and polarization, where it feels ever riskier to share thoughts and opinions, I believe it is worth putting myself out there. Not to get it perfect, but to share a piece of myself. My dumpster clay. That is all.

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So- who is this “wild woman”?

The Wild Woman archetype is one of the most ancient and cross-cultural patterns of feminine energy- a symbol that represents intuition, instinct, and a deep connection to the natural world. Many indigenous cultures have myths of this untamed, nature-bound woman- often a healer, shapeshifter, or forest dweller.

She appears in many forms across culture:

La Loba, a figure from Mexican folklore, is a wolf- shaped figure who gathers bones in the desert and sings life back into the dead.

Baba Yaga is a Slavic witch who lives in a hut on chicken legs, testing the courage of any seeker.

Mami Wata is an African water spirit often depicted as part woman, part fish, part serpent. She chooses whom to bless and whom to curse- tread lightly!

Pele is the Hawaiian goddess of volcanoes and fire. She creates new land but is also a force of destruction.

The Cailleach is of Celtic/ Scottish origins, a storm hag and winter goddess who shapes the land with her staff.

Would love to pop a crispy Sauvignon Blanc with these ladies at a dinner party and get the party started, amirite?? Crispy Caesar salads and moonlit drum circle at the ready!

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The Wild Woman is defined by authenticity and ferocity of spirit. She speaks her truth. She is master of her own free will. She is open to the world but protects her energy- always having her own back. She does not betray her own voice to please others.

Pretty badass, huh? I thought so too.

The wild woman has instinctual power, born of nature and connected to her primal wisdom and ancestors. There is a sense of adventure and exploration, often translated as creativity.

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Where are all the wild women?

This is in stark contrast to our “traditional” (colonized) Western stereotype of what it means to be a woman; docile, meek, and submissive. Carrying unseen emotional loads of everyone around her, at the expense of herself. But golly, she does it with a smile! Because in our society, when we encounter women like that, we say oh my god isn’t she selfless. There is almost a reverence given to women who suppress themselves, don’t rock the boat, and effectively disappear.

This is a picture that has been painted for me by several of my female clients at my practice over the years- being selfless was described to me by one client as “the highest compliment you can receive as a mom”. Women are conditioned into literally being without a sense of self. And praised for it! So, when I ask them what their personal hobbies are, or what has been exciting them lately, it’s a blank. The grief of being disconnected from oneself is enormous. In the mental health sector, this looks like low self-esteem, lack of agency, anxiety/depression, and the compounded trauma of existing for a lifetime in a system which has told you to be quiet. To be seen and not heard. Sound familiar?

That divine feminine power becomes nothing more than a slight whisper. In fact, most of us actively learn to ignore our intuition- that “sixth sense” that tends to kick on, our deepest sense of inner knowing which often speaks the truth if we are able to listen.

On Intuition

Intuition shows up as an immediate felt instinct of the self- even when it doesn’t make rational or logical sense.

Have you ever gotten that feeling on a date, at a social gathering, etc. where something just feels “off” and you can’t put your finger on exactly why? This is your intuition speaking to you. It is saying “be careful” or “get away from this person/ situation”. Often, we tell it to be quiet. We talk ourselves out of it- “But this person seems so nice! I’m just being paranoid.” And then, after some time passes, it turns out we were right all along. Sometimes we have to get burned to realize that we should have listened to our intuition. Your wild woman is always looking out for you and has your best interests at heart.

It can be very inconvenient to be authentic. We, especially as women, are told to comply. Don’t be difficult with all those feelings over there. The worst moniker of all- don’t be dramatic. We are so afraid to be seen as “too much” or god forbid “crazy” that we will sacrifice our own comfort for the sake of others- often to our own detriment. This can result in feeling uncomfortable, disrespected, or physically/ emotionally unsafe.

Why do we fear the Wild Woman?

Many women fear tapping into her within themselves because she has been demonized by our culture as dangerous or selfish. We conflate letting this side of ourselves be free with loss of relationship or stability. We also see a very commercialized and whitewashed version of “wild” through the lens of boho dresses and curated aesthetic. This strips away her depth and individuality. There’s no authenticity to be found in elephant pants.

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The Shadow Side

When repressed for too long, the shadow side of Wild Woman can erupt in destructive ways- reckless and chaotic behavior, self-sabotage, loss of direction and self-pity. As someone who has spent ample time here over the years, I can attest it looks a lot less like the glittery lyrics of Sia’s “Chandelier”, where she sings of swinging freely from a chandelier and living like tomorrow doesn’t exist. The first line of the song literally says, “Party girls don’t get hurt”. I can assure you; they do. To be in the shadow side of your wild woman looks a lot more like holding on for dear life and ignoring the growing pit of unhealed issues you have tied up and thrown in the closet. I’ll deal with that tomorrow- let’s take shots!

There is a darkness to this side of Wild Woman- she is caged within herself behind the façade of “living like tomorrow doesn’t exist”. I identified far more with this side of my wild for the early part of my adult life. I craved freedom and adventure but had no control over the reins. My damn horse ran off a cliff.

There is a difference between freedom and recklessness, and I toed the line. I was ungoverned; I craved chaos and ran toward it. I thought to be free meant no rules, no structure, and no one telling me what to do ever. It was total chaos- like a loose kid in a really inappropriate candy store. I burned out- hard.

My wild woman and I were not on good terms. I needed to find some solid footing ASAP.

I explored less and punished myself more. My lack of trust in myself manifested in my relationships and I locked away the most beloved parts of myself- my creativity and joy.

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At some point, we have to ask ourselves- will I continue to allow my impulses to control me, or will I get back in the driver’s seat of my life? How can I start trusting myself? How can I define my life on my terms- not what the wounded parts of me think I want?

For the first time in my life, I could no longer avoid the question; how can I make friends with my chaos, instead of being afraid of it? How can I tame and befriend this wild woman, so she does not keep sinking my damn ship?

No more short-term solutions for long-term problems.

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Spoiler alert: making friends with my chaos was about as easy as it sounds.

My wild woman was a feral mustang, running amok in the deepest trenches of my subconscious. She had hidden herself away, not wanting to be controlled or silenced. She wasn’t going down without a fight.

How I Learned to Run with the Wolves

First, let me clarify again that I am still on this journey. I did not arrive at the altar of the White Buffalo Medicine Woman (of Sioux origin) and receive some kind of divine premonition. It was a slow coaxing into safety I learned within myself; of which the foundation of all was compassion. Learning to forgive and accept myself allowed the walls I had built so high internally to begin to come down. I met the metaphorical parts of myself I had exiled and offered them love; I washed their feet. I said to them, “I am not going to leave you again. I will take care of you now.” I gave them tenderness, when all they had known for so long was savagery.

Therapy (duh) helped with this process. I switched to a female therapist who helped me meet my divine femininity. I did a year of intensive breath work with a fellow healer (shoutout Tori!), where I was able to feel and engage with my wild woman in powerful ways. I almost included the story of how I met and integrated this side of myself here, but it felt too personal- I will, however, share sketches I made of her 5 months apart during my breath work process. My once hollow-eyed, starving girl became a divine goddess before my eyes. I can never thank my fellow healers enough for helping us all discover things about ourselves we once thought lost.

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On the left is from September of last year, when I finally found my fierce girl. Notice her gaunt face and sharp necklace- clearly saying, “get away”. Cut to February of this year, in one of my last breath work sessions. She wears a crown and still carries her spear, but she has a white owl (a symbol of wisdom) to guide her. HYFR

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What does it mean to have a healthy relationship with your wild?

To move through the world with my wild means walking between the worlds of my instinct and intellect. My inner world and outer world. To feel sovereignty without isolation, intimate relationship without the loss of self. I feel once again connected to the parts of myself I cherish most. I feel grounded (some days more than others- it’s a process). I do my best to live and act in honor of my inner self- even (especially) when it is inconvenient. I do my best to live without fear- of judgment, of vulnerability, of my own power. To do this publicly, especially in the form of publishing these essays, always carries a twinge of anxiety- am I the most annoying person who ever lived? Who do I think I am, spouting off about wild women and these woo-woo parts of self? I should be seen and not heard! To these thoughts I say, respectfully- sit down. Your judgment and negativity are not needed here.

Wild Woman isn’t meant to replace any of your other identities- but if you ignore and dishonor her, I guarantee she will be the loudest voice in the room. Learning to integrate her into your wholeness takes time. We tend to shy away from the parts of ourselves who we think are problematic- when in fact, they are actually our most powerful allies if we choose to listen. She will have your back, as long as you have hers. Go run wild with the best of them.

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As always, if you made it all the way to the end here, THANK YOU for reading.

I am considering creating a guide or “how to” to help people looking to tap into their wild- let me know in the comments here or DM me on social media if that sounds like something you would be interested in.

Please give this post a comment, like and follow my Instagram page, and stay tuned for future projects. I’ve got a lot of fun things in development- I can’t wait to share them with you :)

Stay wild.