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A few things to look for before you book that first session.

By Lauren Aldridge

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Finding the right couple’s therapist can feel like a bigger decision than it needs to be. Partly because it usually means admitting something isn’t working, and partly because the options can feel overwhelming. Here’s what I’d tell a friend if they asked me where to start.

1. Look for someone trained specifically in relationship work

Not every therapist works with couples, even if their website says they do. A therapist for couples should have specific training in a relational model – attachment, EFT, Gottman Method, IFS, or other relationship-based approaches – rather than individual therapy applied to two people in a room.

Questions to ask directly:

“What’s your training in couples work specifically?”

“What theory/ theories do you use in your work?”

If attachment patterns feel like part of your story- one of you pulls away when things get tense, the other chases for reassurance – you may want a therapist who explicitly works as an attachment therapist, someone comfortable naming and working with anxious attachment and avoidant attachment dynamics rather than just conflict on the surface.

2. Consider what kind of support you need

“Couples therapist” isn’t one-size-fits-all. Think about what’s actually going on for you:

• Rebuilding trust or repairing after a rupture.
• Struggling with intimacy or sex – this is real, common, and worth naming; an online sex therapist for couples can address this directly rather than dancing around it.
• Identifying as LGBTQIA+ and wanting a therapist who won’t require you to explain your relationship structure from scratch.
• Needing trauma-informed therapy; any good therapist worth their salt has training in trauma and can help recognize trigger patterns playing out in the relationship.
• Recognizing possible patterns of a toxic relationship and needing an outside perspective to see clearly.
• One or both of you being a veteran, first responder, firefighter, paramedic, police officer, or in the military, where relationship stress often carries an extra layer that some may not fully understand.

3. Decide if virtual or in-person works better for you

A virtual couples therapist can be just as effective as in-person work for most couples, and it opens more options if you’re outside a major city or juggling two schedules. If you’re in Colorado but not near downtown Denver, virtual sessions mean you’re not limited to whoever happens to be local.

4. Notice how it feels in the first session

Fit matters more than credentials alone. A good couple therapist should feel warm but not afraid to name what’s actually happening in the room. You should leave the first session feeling seen — not judged, not lectured, and not like either of you “won.” If it feels like your therapist has already picked a side, that’s worth naming out loud or finding someone else.

5. Ask about their actual approach to conflict

Some therapists referee. Others teach you to referee yourselves. Ask: “What happens when we start arguing in session?” The answer tells you a lot about whether they’ll actually change how you fight at home or just keep the peace for fifty minutes a week.

Other Questions to Consider:

“Do you keep secrets if one of us tells you something we don’t want the other to know?”

• Some therapists have different ‘philosophies’ on this, but I practice with a strict limited secrets policy. I will not “hold” information from the other because I work for both clients. The only exceptions to this are obviously safety reasons or threats of harm.

“Do you ever see people individually, and if so under what context?”

• Again, therapists have different ‘philosophies’ on this. I will see a member of a couple for individual work on occasion if both parties are consenting and it feels clinically necessary to the process of informing the relationship.

• Sometimes if you want to bring in an outside party such as a family member to a session or two, that can also be a conversation. Ask lots of questions!

The bottom line

The right couples therapist isn’t necessarily the one with the most reviews or the fanciest website – it’s the one trained in relational work, transparent about their approach, and genuinely a fit for what your relationship is needing.  

Whether it’s rebuilding trust, working through attachment patterns, or simply learning to fight fair again, couples therapy can be a wonderful asset to any relationship.

If you’re ready to see if it’s a fit, book a free consultation — no pressure, just a conversation.

2026 Restorative Roots Healing LLC